Recently I came across the Japanese expression KY. It’s short for Kuuki Yomenai which means ‘can’t read the air’. 

It’s how Japanese people describe someone who can’t pick up on the unspoken feelings or atmosphere in a room and who isn’t aware of subtle cues and body language.

I love learning words in a different language because the words and phrases tell you a lot about how a culture thinks and feels and operates. 

It was in the context of a western woman asking a group of Japanese business people if they had any questions, and no one raised their hand. But her interpreter asked again, looking from face to face … and then politely asked a person if there was something they would like to say or ask.

Invariably the person addressed did have a question or comment. And the way the interpreter knew, was that the other person’s eyes were bright. It indicated that although their manner was reserved, they were engaged and willing to connect,. However, the westerner was looking for an obvious sign like raising their hand, or an extraverted ‘speaking up’ way of operating, and so she missed the subtle cues that were right in front of her.

In other words, she was KY. She wasn’t seeing what was right in front of her.

The reason I’m writing about this is that it troubles me how often we completely miss the signals someone is sending because we’re not looking at the person!

We’re too busy scrolling, or trying to do several things at once, yet at the same time trying to have a conversation or communication with someone.

Despite it becoming pretty much the norm to not look at someone when we’re with them, it’s just plain dumb to shut out so much valuable information! It’s like trying to drive the car while looking at your phone … oh wait, we do that too 😩

It seems that the Japanese are brought up to be more aware of their surroundings and of the people they interact with than we are. Attention to detail and thoughtfulness towards others are qualities that are cultivated and appreciated.

It’s never too late to learn to be attentive. Paying attention (aka being mindful and aware) is a skill like any other – and it gets easier with practice.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to try to look more closely, to listen more deeply, to be fully present with another person. 

Share with them the gift of your attention, and watch them flourish in the light of your presence. 

Who knows what you’ll discover! I’d love to hear back what you notice 😊